An Attempt at Honesty

There's a compulsion to tell you these things,
     share these revelations with you
someone to analyze them with so it's not just different parts of me
- They tend to repeat each other when it gets to be too much -
I don't think you're my saving grace
     but you feel like a piece of me
Not knowing what's only in my head - that trait of being able to see all of this
define it, pinpoint it, separate it
Predict It.
All the others have been practice for you
     for this
of course, the inevitable doubt: Is it just me?
Fearing the one-sided effect again, pulled between emotion and reason
attempting to combine the two
there's a physical energy inflicted within these thoughts,
Forcing me to admit you never left my mind.
You're not the only one I've frightened
 - it excites me to push that limit
blow your mind
(I'm doing my best to keep ego out of this)
Giving myself permission
to probe these emissions that come out
I'm realizing how much you exhilarate me
   I'm not done using you
(I'm exposing myself to this)
Tangible awareness - the ability to physically mold it, feel it seep through my fingers
enveloped in my own magic
IS THIS REAL
to be part of your reality (again)
 - I recognize I thrive on this madness.