It was fascinating to see my personality begin to coat the interior. Painted walls, a piano, pictures, art work, and dozens of adornitos that I'd collected over the years began to decorate my place. I don't have to ask anyone if I can put those flowers in that kitchen corner because that decision only rests with me now. It's deliciously liberating.
In the midst of my move I uncovered a box of memories that had been locked away inside my head and this led me to begin exploring my past again, revisit things I hadn't summoned in 10 years. I wasn't doing this for pity or attention, nor because I was trying to go back to that time or make anything the way it was. Rather, these were memories I had completely forgotten about - some were blocked out so forcefully because I thought they didn't matter - some because I was told they were meaningless.
The realization that your love for a person can make you lose yourself; to really accept that you literally forgot, blocked out, and changed who you were...to realize you allowed yourself to go that far, to lose that much of a grip on reality - you have to turn those acidic thoughts into something productive, if not you'll corrode overnight.
So I turn to you, mujeres:
Do you feel your past grounds you in your daily life? Do you walk with your past as a proud part of who you are, or do you hunch over in an attempt to hide it? We all have things we really wish we didn't remember - is there something you wish you could?
There is no judgement here - more a desire to no longer be silent. We are held to so many double standards imposed on us by society as a whole, and we are considered damaged if we don't meet those standards.
Here's what I think about that:
I love what I've been through and refuse to be ashamed of it any longer because I've realized I don't have to be.
"I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that." - Lauren Bacall
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