Tittle Wave

This is starting to unravel me a bit
not because it feels bad,
more a realization that I have to keep living,
     that wasn't the Final Stop
this life is tiring (even I hear how crass those words sound)
to move to nature - whatever that is for you -
simplify this existence to such a degree
   vital to what I need
exist off of music, air, love, sex, art
energy - not materialism, not money
     It's a game in this country
follow your own advice,
set things up for yourself
because this city is starting to drain that vitality
All this stuff, backwards priorities - and now I still miss you very much, apparently,
     but I don't know what I want
it's different this time because I can step outside myself and give a blunt opinion
but that doesn't make it un-biased
battling this feeling of resignation
How many times do we have to do this?
is it all about someone to share it with?
I don't want my life to be defined by that,
yet I validate this desire to try again with you, being the person I am now
     Just to see what happens
(the amount of time we spend convincing ourselves otherwise)
there's so much we never got to create together, energy that was never shared
I'd love to make music with you
listen to the sounds that come out of our history together
     To be open to that release (would you?)
Understanding patience, waiting for both of us to catch up
resisting the urge to flip to the last page and find out if I'm meant for you
This still feels like something taken from me
     dissecting your parallels that I've encountered in the intervening years
people that prepare me for you
Qualities I recognize - my original muse
Going on and on about you
     even still.