meditations

it's fascinating to come back to the other side 
be able to see in - to be this honest
"Do I have a right to write this down?"
that's a thought
that's what this feels like,
do I have a right to join this community again?
this community of humanity?
it's like it's own society
I look at you people and think
"How do you do it?"
how do you make all this work, this thing called a life
     I can't comprehend it
this feels like coming home
coming full circle
and finally being welcomed
the way I've always dreamed
the guilt has been transformed into gratitude
it's the truest thing I've ever said about myself
You really did have to kick yourself in the ass this hard, didn't you?
You've always learned the hard way
it's so simple once it clicks
and that's what fascinating
that something so destructive can strive to attain that level of power
     let it go
complicated simplicity
I said it before it's time
this is how people live life
rediscovering beauty in reality
can't stop creating
can't stop believing
(there's such terror in that elation)
It's amazing that you can feel guilty for possessing the emotion of relief
there's a twisted sense of self-satisfaction in that
though we hate to admit it
You have to let it go
if you don't it will kill you
(we hide behind the mockery of cliched words to mask their relevance)
and breathe and jump and fall free
learn to live
learn to believe again
understand that coveted word called Faith
always striving
always searching
and learning to move on